Vani, a bright little girl, would rise early in her village home to complete her household work and walk 5 km to reach her school on time. This was her routine; she would never miss her school, even on rainy days. After she passed her 7th grade and was waiting to start her 8th-grade classes, her world turned upside down.

On the day she attained puberty, her mother decided that it was time to get the girl married off. Being a girl child, she needed “protection” and a “secured life” under the care of a man, the mother felt. Before even realising that her dreams were fading quickly, that her life would never be the same, Vani got married. Before her 22nd birthday, she was a mother to four children.

Did she give in quickly? No, she cried for many weeks leading up to her wedding day. She cried even after her wedding day but her voice was unheard and her cries for help were ignored. She did have a dream that was now shattered. Stuck in an unhappy marriage, she was staring at a long road to nowhere.

Like Vani, there are millions of girls who are stopped short of their rightful access to a life of their choice. They all have dreams, their own paths to explore but their wings are clipped, by parents, life partners or children. For many of them, life halts in the face of this disappointment. They don’t dare to dream again but for some, dreaming on is not a matter of choice — they just have to do it because it’s their only way out. .

Poornima Krishna was a catalyst at kanthari and mentor to Anumuthu, in the 2017 batch. She visited Snehan, Puducherry, to meet and engage with people at the organisation. She spoke with women in Snehan for about two hours — the conversations were anchored in the importance of following dreams and the mental fortitude to tide over challenges to those dreams.

The women opened up about their personal lives with Poornima and shared with her the struggles that have defined their lives. Poornima said she was inspired by the manner in which these women were finding their way back to life, after years of abuse and hardships. She also motivated them to regain their long-lost joys and revisit their unfulfilled dreams.

We thank Poornima and her son, Mihir, for their time at Snehan and all the feedback and suggestions.

Today we are happy to celebrate women’s day in our Snehan Tailoring Centre with high tea and photo shoot. They are trained tailors who make eco-friendly cotton traditional jhola bags for Snehan livelihood project. Our bags are sold around India and many parts of the world. This activity not only gives employment to themselves but even to homeless people and the organization.

“If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.” Margaret Thatcher

What happens if an adult becomes sick or bedridden?

1. Depression

The worst enemy of every individual is depression. Depression is a complex disease. Some people have depression during a serious medical illness. Others may have depression with life changes such as a move or the death of a loved one. Still, others have a family history of depression. My distant relative uncle became paralyzed; he has four children and a wife. He was a king in the family, children would obey him in every act, the wife would not give reply even in high pitch but when he became disabled nobody bothered to talk to him nor gave him any respect. In society, he was a highly regarded person for many years but now no one comes to neither talk with him nor consults with him anymore. This hurt filed up, depression overpowered him and at last, he killed himself.

2. Dependent

What happened to my uncle? He lived an independent life, he would work where he wanted, he would go where he wanted, and he would eat what he wanted but know? Even to go to the toilet, he can’t go without anyone’s support. Well, a grown-up person all of sudden became a baby!  There should be always someone to feed, give medicine, and many more. For his family he became a big stumbling block; children don’t want him at home and for a wife is a big burden.

Rejection

The family has no other way than to corner him. He was not included in any decision-making. In fact, the family members would scold him and ask him when would you die? These kinds of hateful words show how much a disabled person is valued at the family.

Discrimination

This disabled uncle faced discrimination with his own children, wife, relatives, and society. When he was well, he was among an elder members of the society, where every decision that the village would take would consult him but now? No one comes even to talk. All the friendship is gone with his disability, now everyone looks at him as an unwanted person.

Domestic violence

His disability doesn’t stop in rejection and discrimination but in violence. When a child gets angry in the family, they show it to him. If the wife is angry, the anger is shown at him. For every little miskick or difficulty in the family, the blame would be on him. When all these anger files upon a person, they start to let it out on the feeble people like this uncle. Because he can’t defend himself or beat them back. If disabled people are pressured so much what will they do?

Conclusion

After reading so much about this disabled uncle, what do you think?

Would that uncle stay with them anymore?

Will, he not run away from them?

Or will he not think to end his life?

Or are there any possibilities for his own family to kill him?

Or with much pity can this family take him somewhere far and leave him on the street?   You can answer for yourself.

And the other hand we kanthari’s had a chance to meet PadmaShree Dr.T.Venkadapathy Reddiar, the founder of Lakshmi Narayana Crossandra Innovation Centre in Puducherry. We were so happy to meet a passionate traditional farmer, who had a deep desire in bringing changes in the farming sectors to generate more income. Even though he had to stopped his education in class 4 and assisted his parents in agricultural works at his young age, but yet he had an avid interest in science and dedicated his life to flower cultivation with natural technics. Since he believes that flowers play a vital role in the life of a human from birth to death. We had one hour talk, knowing his passion and his invention, gained impressive knowledge.

Kanthari 2019 batch visited Snehan at Pondicherry. The social change makers, who overcame the challenges in life and who want to empower the struggling ones in the society of their respected countries, are studying at kanthari to be an effective social change maker. Part of learning they visited Snehan project to know, more about the project, the challenges, successes and testimonies. The director of Snehan Mr. Anumuthu, shared his experience with them, at the end, Anumuthu presented gift which was made by Snehan beneficiaries to the participants to remember Snehan and Pondicherry visit.

The present world losing its gentleness towards humanity. But thanks to Almighty, He has kept the light and salt to spread its goodness. Kanthari is the international leadership institute which empowers the social visionaries for all over the world. I am part of it and had invitation to listen and to be part of kanthati talk 2018. where 24 social change makers from 13 countries got trained and shared their vision towards social change for the peaceful world. Special thanks to Mr.Paul and Sabriye.